couldn't help it
by RookieGinge
Summary: Oneshot. NOT Andy/Luke. / You wonder if maybe you'll regret this in the morning; that when you wake up, you'll look back and wish that Luke was still by your side.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue._

_Rated T, for the ending. You'll see ;)._

_A/N: This is definitely Andy/Sam :). Kind of a quickie, but still good hopefully *fingers crossed*. (It's a longer quickie, at least, compared to some of my others.)  
_

_Set after the end of 'Big Nickel'. _

_I really hope you enjoy!_

_-0-0-_

You should be happy, right?

Your (is he still your boyfriend, after everything? You're not exactly sure) …

Anyways, Luke has apparently forgiven you, for reasons unknown, and he's even hinting at spending the evening and subsequent night together, doing things that don't exactly require talking of any kind. It's a shock, considering the fact that you'd been pretty sure that he wouldn't be forgiving you any time soon (if ever), that now, out of nowhere, it appears he already has.

So, you should be happy, without a doubt. And you are, you suppose; you're certainly not _sad_ about this sudden turn of events. Confused and perhaps a little shocked, sure, but not upset by any means.)

You can't shake the feeling in your gut, however, telling you that you should be happi_er_, somehow. Possibly ecstatic … thrilled, at the very least. You should be much more than _just_ happy, certainly, that the man you're in a relationship with has forgiven you your minor indiscretion with another guy – a co-worker, nonetheless – and come back to you.

(But that's just it, isn't it. It all comes back to that little _indiscretion_. More directly, comes back to a little, pestering voice in the back of your head that you can't get rid of, that wishes that it was more than just a _minor_ indiscretion; wishes that it was a _full-blown_ indiscretion at the very least … and quite possibly something much more than an _indiscretion_ of any type.)

You should be happy; and you are.

But more importantly that what you _should_ be, you should _not_ be thinking about Sam; especially not while you're with Luke. However, you most definitely are.

(You wonder if maybe you'll regret this in the morning; it's quite possible that when you wake up, you'll look back and wish that Luke was still by your side.

But when it comes down to it, you really don't think that you will.)

So you can't help it when you pull away before he does. Can't help it when you just smile sadly at him and shake your head lightly; can't help it when you mumble an apology and an 'I just don't think that this is going to work out'; can't help it when you wrap your arms around him in a gentle embrace, peck his cheek lightly before pulling away completely, and turn in the other direction. You can't help it when you break out into a run by the time you're half-way through the parking lot, throwing naught but a wave over your shoulder at your now decidedly _ex_-boyfriend. (Can't help that you're already too focused on – yet, at the same time, somehow completely unaware of – your destination to turn around and see the confused, slightly hurt expression that you just know is gracing Luke's features.)

You can't help it, because deep down you're only acting on instinct. Instinct that leads you to the one person that makes you feel the safest you've ever felt before, even while knowingly strolling along the very brink of danger with him; the one person who can make you laugh the hardest you ever have, at the littlest, _stupidest_ things; the one person that you never could manage to get out of your head around your (at the time) boyfriend.

You can't help it when you show up on his doorstep, out of breath, and knock insistently on his doorbell. You can't help that you don't even bother to ask if he's alone before you launch yourself at him (much more gracefully than it sounds, of course) and fuse your lips with his.

You can't help it that when you wake up the next morning, you're in his bed beside him, naked; not that you even remotely want to. Because right now, as you're simply laying here beside him, you're not _happy_. You're absolutely ecstatic, and so much more than just thrilled. You're so happy, it almost hurts.

And maybe you _shouldn't_ be thrilled or ecstatic or even happy with him. (He's the unpredictable choice, after all; not to mention completely against the rules. You've let go of your safety net, and you've ventured into uncharted waters.) But you are.

And in the end you couldn't really help it, you think to yourself contentedly as you kiss him awake and stare into his deep, gentle eyes, giggling as he blinks the sleep out of his eyes before grabbing you and flipping over so as to land on top of you. Yeah, you're definitely happy, you think as he presses his lips to yours once again.

You couldn't help it, and you sure as hell don't want to.

_-0-0-_

_I couldn't resist. The end of 'Big Nickel' just wasn't okay with me ;)._

_Please review!_


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